That night he held me..

That night, he held me so tight, he pressed me into the wall as if he was clinging to a lifebuoy in a vast ocean of the unknown. His body is so deeply familiar, there was a volume of experience behind the way he held me. I thought of that love running as deep and strong as an underground tunnel. What’s between us is now so complex, changing, alive, the love ebbs and flows, it sprang from nothing and sometimes retreats to it. But then it's back. Fuller. Faster.

Love

I've realized that when you love someone,
when you truly love someone,
that person becomes apart of you,
they become your life, your everything.
They change you,
in so many different ways that are indescribable.
How do you let go of someone,
who has made such an impact on your life?
how do you let go of the only thing,
that keeps you going, keeps you strong?
Loving someone with all you have is letting go of fear, it is growing up.
Because when you love someone whole-heartedly,
you let go of yourself -to live is to love-
so how do you let go of someone you truly care about?
the truth is... i don't think you can, i think no matter
what happens, whether you are together or not,
they are in your heart... forever & always

No words.

Where do i begin? there aren't anymore words,
that i have left to say. its like everyone's betrayed me,
in so many different ways.. I always seem to wonder,
what has this world come to? it's like everywhere i'm turning
things are getting outta place.. i need to know, where do i fit in?
i've lost all my words, for everyone & everything..
i don't know where to begin now ...
i have no words left to say.

How can you do me this way.

I think to myself all the time, 'whats the matter?'
you treat me, like i'm no good. i start to think now,
is there something wrong with me? Just by the look
in your eyes, i can see the answer. How am i,
supposed to believe that you don't treat me,
like you do to all the others? You push & shove your
way through, just to get to wondering what i'm thinking
about. Well, if you want to know what i'm thinking about,
the answer is not you. I'll tell you what I think about,
I think about the ways, you used to manipulate,
and lie your way through every single object that came our way.
I think about the times, we spent together,
that meant nothing to you. I think about every little thing you said,
that's now going down the drain. And last but not least,
I wonder to myself, how can you do me this way.
How can you do me this way, and lie through every obstacle
put our way. You were the one I trusted,
the one i thought i loved. I just wanted to get off my chest that,
you aren't the only one who feels this way in the process.
I want absolutely & positively, nothing to do with you.

Screaming at the top of my lungs.

This is me, screaming at the top of my lungs.
Fighting for what I believe in.
It's like two people who are separate from each other,
reaching for one another, their hands stretching out.
I set the alcohol on top of the counter, as you step into the room.
You come closer & closer, doing your thing, saying hi.
I go up to you, trying to lean in for a kiss. It's like a temptation.
But you refuse, and back away, you start by kissing my neck,
then more comes, you try pulling off my top,
we end up on the floor. I guess all this alcohol really got to me.
I tremble, as my hand reaches for the counter,
for the rest of the bottle of the alcohol. It's like an addiction.
I scream once again, at the top of my lungs,
wondering what's wrong with me, why do i crave this so much?
It's like feigning for my body.
The more drinks i take, the more I lose control.
Can this really be that I have an addiction?

My lips tremble, as yours come near to touch mine.
I get scared, that this will be the last time you hold me.
Once again, I reach for the only thing,
that I think will make me strong.
I think to myself, alcohol is my only option.
This addiction is getting too hard for me, and i can't stop.
I try to save myself, as your nails dig into my back,
As your skin trembles, in my arms.. I smell your scent,
and then it hits me, and i realize, i've got nothing but love for you.
But I just want to let you know, that if this is too late for me to stop,

with the alcohol, I want you to take my hand,& promise me that,
you'll always love me, no matter what. This is the end,
I scream for the very last time. You try covering my mouth,
& then i'm done. Over with. Gone. Forever.
You're no longer with me, I'm no longer with you,
I have had my last breath.

Boys are cheats, and liars.

Boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace.
They will tell you anything to get to second base...
ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score.
If you let him go all the way then you are a hor...
ticulture studies flowers, geologist studies rocks.
The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his cock...
roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs.
Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of jug...
glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck.
All guys really want to do is - forget it, no such luck.

Happy place.

I wish that for just one second, i was happy.
people think i am always happy, but honestly i'm not.
& i hate that, all that ever comes to me is drama.
and i honestly think i don't deserve, like at all.
I wish that just one day, I can be in a happy place.
where there's no drama, no girls to start something with.
Just me, myself and I, being happy, that would be all that counts.
I'm so tired, of being mistreated, its not funny anymore.
someone tell me please, what to do? who to talk to?
better yet, if it helps.. where to run away to?
what can i do, so that all my problems,
and everything on my mind, goes away..
and so, i don't have to think of this anymore.
I need a place that i can go to, where no one can bother me.
Its just.. i'm done playing games. i want a new life.
I want the old me to be dead & gone.

i'm turning my back, on what i've become.
is it too late to say, this is horrible?